RENT…a Bizarre version of their real life
by Markys gurl
Summary: It's basically a bizzare story about their real lives, although there is a Broadway show about their lives which they are un awhare of...then me (Emily) and Andrea show up...


RENT a Bizarre version of their real life  
  
We do not have anything against Homosexuals or Cross Dressers. So please don't take our humor seriously:  
  
It was a usual day in the Loft. Roger and Mimi were in the other room doing their usual routine after a hard day at "work", most likely fighting (again) about something or other, you don't want to get too involved with their issues. Mark was all alone, hiding behind his camera. Maureen and Joanne were planning a protest against Build-a-bear factory in Times Square. (Those toys freaked Maureen out). Collins and Angel (WHO IS STILL ALIVE) were still planning on opening up a restaurant in Santa Fe.or Central Park, whichever came first. And Benny was. well no one really knows what he was doing. No one really cared.  
  
Anyways.Mark, who was all alone, was thinking. Roger and Mimi were wondering if he was gay because the last time he was with a girl was when he dated Maureen. And who knows how long ago that was. Plus she was cheating on him the whole time! We, the wonderful authors, decided that he should have a girlfriend in his life. Emily wanted to be it so we moved to New York City. (Kinda) As we searched for Mark Cohen's apartment, guess who we bumped into! Yup. Mark! Emily: Oh my god! It's you!  
  
Andrea: YAY! WE HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!  
  
Mark: um. Hi. Do I know you?  
  
Emily: No, but you will!  
  
Mark: (to Andrea) should I be scared?  
  
Andrea: no. (Grins evilly)  
  
Mark: (quivers in his boots)  
  
Emily: (Takes his hand and pats his back) so, how have you been since Roger found Mimi? And. you know, Maureen?  
  
Mark: Oh, yeah. I've been pretty depr- hold on (confused) HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS???  
  
Andrea: um. There IS a Broadway show down the street about your life.  
  
Mark: WHAT???  
  
Emily and Andrea: (ahem.just noticing that he has no idea) just kidding  
  
Andrea: I'm Maureen's cousin. really, I am.  
  
Mark: (sarcastic) oh, great just what I need (starts to mumble) another one of her (starts walking off)  
  
Emily: WAIT!  
  
Mark: What? (Is annoyed)  
  
Andrea: um, she needs to (ahem) confess that.  
  
Emily: (Interrupting/hitting Andrea).I was just wondering if you and your friends would like to come out to dinner with us.  
  
Mark: What friends.(is angry)  
  
Andrea:. MEANING ROGER!!! (By the way, she is in luv wit Roger)  
  
Emily: and your other friends.  
  
Mark: Um.  
  
Emily and Andrea: (make puppy dog faces)  
  
Mark: (sighs) ok, even though you both freak me out, I'll ask them.  
  
Andrea: GREAT! Meet us at the Life Cafe at seven.  
  
Mark: ok, sounds like fun.. (Mumbles) I think. (Leaves) Emily: (whispers to Andrea) Where exactly IS the Life Café. I mean I haven't been there since when I went to collage with Mark. It was kinda scary how much he loved that place, he talked about it all the time. Andrea: Emily, you're THIRTEEN!!  
  
Emily: I know I'm short for 19, but DO YOU HAVE TO RUB IT IN?? Oh. Never mind then. The last time I went there was at his Bar Mitzvah. Andrea: You've never even met him before this. And I think he would have his Bar Mitzvah in Scarsdale. Emily: I certainly did meet him!!! Our parents actually went to collage together. I think. but yes I do know him. And after his bar mitzvah they brought us to the Life Café. or some place like that.  
  
Andrea: right.  
  
Later: Maureen: Marky, what exactly are we doing here???  
  
Mark: Um, your cousin invited us here.  
  
Maureen: What cousin? My mother and father were the only children in their families. Emily: (walks in) well that explains a lot.  
  
Maureen: Meaning what??????? Emily: Well, the way you act in RENT. by the way are you an... Maureen: (interrupts) What RENT?  
  
Andrea: oh, it's that Broadway show across the street.  
  
(Others walk in overhearing this)  
  
Waiter: Oh yeah.I saw that.great show isn't it.  
  
Emily and the waiter go on talking about their favorite parts.meanwhile.  
  
Roger: (walks in looking all confused, yet hot) um, what are we doing here Mark?  
  
Mark: Um, Maureen's cousin, (thinks to himself for 1 second) or not, invited us here.  
  
Roger: She has a cousin?  
  
Andrea: That would be me.  
  
Maureen: I HAVE NO COUSINS!  
  
Andrea: yes, you do. (Winks at readers)  
  
Mimi: Roger, honey, who's that girl giving you looks?  
  
Roger: I have no idea.  
  
Andrea: I'm not looking! I'm observing. And my name is Andrea.  
  
Maureen: OH YEAH! I do have a cousin! That's when daddy got divorced. (Starts yakking on) Hey, remember what your mom did that tap dance number? Andrea: um, yeah. Wine and beer?  
  
Mark: Dearly beloved.  
  
Waiter: Oy vey. Not again.  
  
Emily starts singing along with Mark. Everyone joins in..LA VIE BOHEME!  
  
After La Vie Boheme A. Andrea stops Roger and Mimi from singing their part and takes Mimi's spot.  
  
Mimi: Hey!  
  
Although everyone is into what they are singing.they can't help but wonder how Emily and Andrea know all the words.  
  
Roger: (To Andrea) I love you.  
  
Mimi: WHAT??? (At this point her eyes flash and there is smoke coming out of her ears) I knew I couldn't trust you after I caught you with that Hooters Girl.(also starts rambling on).(ends with) I'M LEAVING!  
  
Benny escorts her out of the Life Cafe.  
  
Andrea: (Giggles uncontrollably) Here goooooooes.  
  
Andrea and Roger leave to have a small, lovely kiss. Everyone eventually leaves (A few weeks later In the Loft) Mark (watching them making out on the balcony) is very depressed.once again. Emily: Andrea was right when she said I have something to confess.  
  
Mark: (sighs).What?  
  
Heather Headley and Roger are rising up (like an elevator) behind the couch and holding hands. Andrea takes Heather's place (once again) and continues with the song.  
  
Andrea: I am hear to tell you, we can never meet again  
  
Emily: (Stops them from singing the rest of the song and they go back down) NO, not that!  
  
Mark: Well? Com'on. Emily: Ever since I saw you in that scarf I gave you at your bar mitzvah I fell head over heels in love with you.your albino skin the moonlight, (also starts rambling on. At this point, Mark has tuned her off.) Mark: Um, (blinks a few times and shakes his head) how am I suppose to answer this. Emily: You mean.you don't love me?  
  
Andrea: (through the window taking a deep breath) SAY YOU DO! Roger: (is a little fazed by this) Mark: NO, it's not that. you're just so young. You look like your 13.  
  
Emily: I'm nineteen, but I'm short for my age.  
  
Andrea: (through window) Let me guess, you're just born to be bad?  
  
Emily: uh.no?  
  
Mark: Wait. who are you?  
  
Emily: Ok. you know you're moms friend.Shauna. Mark: OH, yeah. she's your mom?  
  
Emily: NO.she is my Aunt.but your mom was also friends with my mom.they went to collage together. Anyway I was at your Bar mitzvah.I GAVE YOU THAT SCARF YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW!!!  
  
Mark: Oh yeah.you were that cute little 3 year old running around.  
  
Emily: Uh, no. I was that 11 year old, stupid.  
  
Mark: OH.the one who was stalking me.  
  
Emily: Hey! I only followed you once.  
  
Mark: Yeah.into the guys bathroom.  
  
Andrea: (To Roger) I don't think this relationship will work out.  
  
Roger: WHAT?? Ours??  
  
Andrea: nooo. Mark and Emily!! Roger: oh, anyone who dates Mark runs off screaming. This is actually the best he's had. EVER!  
  
Andrea: oh ok. (Kisses Roger)  
  
Mark: Sorry, but I really love. Emily: (is about to cry) w-who?  
  
Mark: Maureen  
  
Roger and Andrea: (scream) WHAT???  
  
Emily: oh, ok. I understand. Let me get her, then. (Right before walking out the door) Roger, what happened to you and Cass, did anything ever happen with you two?  
  
Roger: (looking quite confused)  
  
Andrea: DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!  
  
Mark: How do you know who Cass is? (To himself) Well at least someone was actually listening (looks at Roger).  
  
Emily: I have my ways. Goodbye love.  
  
Mark: (begins to accept that Emily knows every thing about him) I hear there are great rest  
  
Roger: SHUT UP!  
  
Andrea: Lets go get Maureen, Roger. (Picks up something) by the way, would you light my  
  
Roger: NO! What is it with you people??? Andrea: (Pulls Roger out of the apartment) Moments later, the pair appears with Maureen in her cow p.j.'s.  
  
Maureen: (leaps into Mark's arms) They say you have something to tell me, Marky.  
  
Mark(y): um.  
  
Emily: (climbs through the window into the arms of..Collins.We still don't know when or how he got there. just accept it) um, hi.  
  
Collins: (drops Emily) hi. Wanna go to a Life Support meeting?  
  
Emily: (Confused) okay, but first, MARK! DON'T TELL HER!  
  
Andrea: you're too late, Em. Sorry dude.  
  
Benny (just like Collins appears out of nowhere with Mimi in his arms.): Dudes I'm on my way.  
  
Everyone blinks a few times and goes on with their lives. Maureen: OH MARK! I NEVER KNEW!  
  
Mark: Yes well, I don't care if you hate me so.  
  
Maureen: I LOVE YOU TOO!  
  
Andrea: Emily, are you okay?  
  
Emily: oh, I'm good. I have Ben Fox.  
  
Andrea: ok. (To Roger and everyone else) who is Ben Fox anyway?  
  
Angel (who just like Collins appeared out of nowhere): 000 you mean that really hot guy in Our Town?  
  
Emily: (still wandering how Angel appeared) Yes, that's exactly who I mean!  
  
(They go on talking about him)  
  
Mark: So. Em, do you think you'll be ok? Emily: We'll, no.  
  
Mark/Roger/Maureen/Andrea/Angel/Collins/Joanne (? When did she get here): Oh god. Why not?  
  
Emily: Cause. Mark, we are soul mates, I. I. I love you Marky.no one can change that.  
  
Angel: Not even Ben?  
  
Emily: No, not even Ben.  
  
Mark: Oh Em, you're such a great person. but that's how I feel about.  
  
Everyone: Maureen.  
  
Joanne: But Marky, her and me are. you know. Maureen: Marky, darling, I love you too. but when ever I see my velvet teddy bear. I just fall in love with her again! I'm sorry but it just isn't going to work out. There is that person out there. Maybe Emily is the one.  
  
Joanne and Maureen kiss each other and walk out of the loft  
  
Andrea: Lets go. I think Mark needs some time alone.(grabs Roger and leaves)  
  
Angel: Good luck Emily! (Takes Collins and leaves)  
  
Collins: Oh, and by the way, the Life Support meeting is at 9:00 pm.  
  
Emily: Um, ok? Bye Collins, Bye Angel. (Looking down) Well. I'll guess I'll leave you alone. Bye Mark. (Starts to walk out through the door.)  
  
Mark: Wait. Emily, I'm sorry.  
  
Emily: It's ok Mark if that's how you feel then nobody can change that.  
  
Mark: Thanks for understanding.  
  
Emily: Yeah, that's what friends are for. Ok I'm gonna go now. Bye. (She leaves) (She comes back. Mark is a little frightened by this). Oh and if you change your mind my phone # is (222) 995-3103. (Mark just sits there, confused) oh just let me write it on your hand (she does then, finally, leaves).  
  
Mark (alone, as usual) thinks to himself (once again) 1 Month later:  
  
Mark: Hi, Emily?  
  
Yes, our story is crazy & unrealistic. Just try to accept it. and don't take any of this personally or seriously we are just fooling around. 


End file.
